DONE!

So, apparently im not too good at keeping up on my journaling. Today is Sunday February 16th, 2014. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I know i've said this before but I have to do something about my life. I did not say I am going to diet. I am going to change my life! I am done being 34 years old and winded climbing the stairs in my own house. I am done feeling so tired all the time. I am sick of my body hurting. I no longer want to weigh 250 pounds. I am unhealthy and tired. I am going to change my life and change my mind. I WILL fail, I WILL cheat, I WILL mess up. It is bound to happen. I am taking over 30 years of bad habits and trading them in for good habits. I am breaking the chain and reversing the cycle. I am ready for my new life. I am a powerful woman in charge of my own destiny. I CAN DO IT! I WILL DO IT!

Thankful

A lot has happened to our family since I blogged last. My father in law Mark Passed away, we lost our home, I started a new Job...Etc. It has been tough. In all that we have been through I can still say there is so much I can be thankful for. Each day this month I will post something I am thankful for. I know I am already three days behind so I will post three today.
Day 1- I am thankful for my Family. My wonderful husband that still loves me and puts up with my onry days. He tries so hard to make my bad days turn around. I am so very thankful for my children Jaidyn and Daxon, they bring sunshine to my life. I love seeing the twinkle in their eyes when they learn something new or finish a project they've worked so hard on. They are my world! Also My parents, Doug and Dixie who taught me how to be the wife and mother I am today. they brought me up with strong values and taught me the way to be an example to others.
Day 2- I am thankful for good friends that keep me smiling (and sane) I love getting texts from niki just to say hey, how are you? And Stephanie helps me to find humor in all things and inspires me to be a good person. If I could be half the women my friends are then I'd be happy.
Day 3- I am thankful today for our home (apartment) it is a cold night tonight and I'm not out on the street or in a shelter. I have four walls and a roof over my head which is more than too many people can say through out the world. I am truly blessed. Also, the central heating that warms our home. My family is snug and settled in for the night.
I hope I can keep this blog going again and not let it slip again. Thank you for reading. :)

February 19th 2011

Yesterday I went to a funeral for my mom's Bishop Greg Randall. His children are my age. All but one of his four kids are expecting a baby in the next couple of months. It was a sad day. He was in a motorcycle accident on Tuesday and died Wednesday.
In other news my Bestie Stephanie had her little baby Kayzlee. My sister Amy is expecting a little girl in June, and I've lost 10 pounds! Yay! More later!

Day 2

Well, it's day two of my new life. I am soo sore today, and stiff. This is a long road and a hard road and it's kicking my butt. Sometimes i sit and think... why am I doing this again? then I always end up passing by a mirror and looking at myself. This isn't the body I wanted. this isn't the life I wanted. I'm 100 pounds over weight. How did I let this happen. When did I start caring more about how good doughnuts and chocolate tasted at the time than how they made me feel afterward. My body needs this and needs it now. I don't want to wait until I'm old and have problems like diabetes or stroke. I want to change my life before i have a heart attack or something. I want to grow old with my Husband Tyler, I want to see my daughter graduate High School and get married and have babies. I want to see Daxon graduate and go on to college and maybe go on a mission if he chooses, I want to see him get married and have children too. All of this is not guaranteed I Know I could die tomorrow, but I really want to give myself a better chance. A better future. I'm on my way! I'm already down 5 pounds! Yay me!!

Enough is Enough

The other day Jaidyn and I were talking and she inocently said, "mommy I think you should go on the Biggest Loser, I'm not saying you are Fat it's just I want you lose a little weight so you can be happy." Well I thought about it. At first I was a little hurt and offended, Wow my daughter thinks I'm fat. Then I justified it, I'm not that fat, It could be worse, It's not my fault it's in my Genes. Then I faced up to it, I really am over weight, and I do want to be happy again. I want to be able to keep up with my kids, I want to be able to go to the shopping and not have to worry if they will fit. I used to be so active, I wasn't ever really fit or toned just more active. In High School I started getting depressed, I lost most of my self confidence I didn't see myself for what I really was and the weight started adding up. When I started High School I weighed 125 pounds, when I graduated I weighed 181 pounds. After graduation I decided to do something about it. I lost some weight I was down to 160 pounds. I pretty much maintained that until I got Pregnant with Jaidyn. That was a very emotional time for me. The Hardest and most wonderful time of my life. I was very sick (morning sickness) with her and lost 30 pounds in the first trimester. When I Had her I'd gained all but 5 of them back. Over the next several months I got the worst case of Post Pardom Depression. I started gaining weight again. When I got married a year later I weighed 190 pounds. We went on our honey moon to Hawaii. I was so embarassed of my weight that I wouldn't even go in the water. Two years later we had Daxon I ballooned up with him to about 250 pounds. I've struggled in this little area for a while now, gaining some, losing some but always ending up around here. Yesterday I finally did something about it. I started a diet and exercise program. My goal is to be back to around 145 pounds again. I know with the help and support of my family I can do it. So here begins a life changing Journey. It wont be easy. It will be hard, but so worth it. Wish me luck!

Mckenna

My niece McKenna in the parade on the fourth of July!

SRJH! Go Scorpions!
I can Hardly believe my niece is a cheerleader at my alma mater SandRidge Junior High School. It seems like yesterday I was going there. Now I'm 31! She's way cooler than I ever was in school though. I would never have had the guts to even try out for Cheerleader. She has guts and more! She's an amazing dancer too. First place in everything she does. I love her so much. I'm glad to have her in my life. She's been such a blessing to have around. I hope I've done all I can to let her know how much I love and appreciate her. She is a great role model to my little princess Jaidyn. She looks up to McKenna. She wants to be just like her. I can't imagine a better person for Jaidyn to look up to. Love you Kenna!

Families can Be Together Forever

I went to a funeral today for a dear cousin, Ryan Lewis Flinders. He was only 24 years old. He's actually my mom's cousin's son but we all grew up in hooper so it seems closer. The funeral was nice and it really got me thinking, Life here on earth is not guaranteed. You never know when your time will come. You should live every day as if it were your last. You never know if the words you say in anger will be the last words your loved one will ever hear. The Funeral was especially nice because of the knowledge the family has about being an eternal family. They know that even though his life has ended they will all be able to be together again. Which brings me to the hardest part for me, the part which brought me to tears and had me bawling like a baby, It was when they sang Families can be together forever. As you may know, My Husband and I have not been sealed in the Temple, It is not a priority to him right now. So as of now my children aren't sealed to us. I have the hardest time because I don't know what would happen to them if I died today. I can't stand the idea of losing my children. I am having a hard time with the idea. I guess all I can do is try to be a good example to him and never give up. I'm just so worried it will be too late. Jaidyn is getting baptized in two years and She has said she wants her daddy to do it. She has her heart set on it. I wish he would come through for her. Tyler is the type of guy that if you try to push him into something he doesn't want to do, he takes two steps backward. He will not jump into something without thoroughly researching it and picking it apart and there are just some things he asks that I can't answer. We tried having the missionairies over but the guy was so rude to us and acted like we were waisting his time because he wasn't getting a Baptism out of either of us. (we have both been baptized) He was horribly rude, in fact after that day they never called us again to set up an appointment. It was like all he wanted was Baptisms. It didn't matter to him that tyler needed something else. It pretty much turned him off to the idea. He isn't completely opposed to the idea of joining the church he just doesn't believe everything that the church teaches. He is very skeptical. So here I sit waiting, and working, hoping and praying. I will never give up!!! In hopes that someday I will get what I desire most....An Eternal Family!